You don't need to try, it's already about you.

Going to Pioneer JC soon, most probably, definitely not a matter of choice. I gonna let the cat out of the bag: I'm freaking scared. Scared of the fact that PJ is the "second" BP. No secret that my secondary school day were my worse, and the notion of going back to same culture just freaks me out. MI has been surreal, like a whole 8 weeks of fantasy, an escape from responsibility and mundane stuff like homework and stuff. We pretty much did what ever the fuck we wanted. But through this joyrous period of time, no sarcasm intended, remmants of what I was. I can't seem to forget the sort of self destructive person I was in the past. Not an extreme case for sure, no wrist cutting involved, but I tortured myself enough. I've sorta got over that phrase of life I guess....but I know I was just responding to the people I got involved with. In a nutshell, it motherfucking sucked. Don't wanna thread out of the shadows just to be sucked straight back in. We don't arrive without a surprise, trying to fill that void, trying to conform, trying to be accepted, trying to wade in assurance, but really......I'm just a motherfucking case study of rare species too weird to live but too precious to die.